It’s hard for me to write anything profound or reflective about the wedding right now. With only 12 days to go, I’m drowning in errands, phone calls, and arrangements. Over the past week, I’ve spent more hours than I would like to admit just going through bags of stuff, literally sorting things out into different Ziploc bags (this will all make more sense after the wedding, I promise). I spent all day Sunday running around town shopping, ordering the alcohol (so glad that’s done!) and making copies at Kinko’s. I’ve actually stopped counting down until the wedding. Instead, I’ve been counting down until next Wednesday, which is when I’m giving up on my to-do list. I know there will be a few small tasks after that, like picking up my dress, making a Publix run, and packing, but the rest of it will be let go. So, really, I only have 8 days until the festivities start! Yay!
I thought that everything would feel the same as we got closer to the wedding and then there would be a big shift after the ceremony, after we officially became husband and wife. Now, I realize how wrong I was about that. Instead, it’s been a transition, a slow one that has sped up considerably over the past few days. I looked over at Steve last night and thought, “He is going to be my husband.” And I wasn’t thinking about it in the abstract, someday sense. It was concrete and immediate. It was real.
I am prepared for a shift to happen after the wedding. But it already has started. I can feel my mind and heart beginning to prepare for the transition of becoming a wife. It’s happening almost unconsciously, and I think it speaks to the importance of ritual to make the movement between two stages of life. It’s not only the day that makes a difference, though. All of the planning of logistics has helped move me in the direction toward marriage. Looking forward to the day has signaled my unconscious self that something big is coming, and I better get ready for it. It’s almost too big to grasp, so right now I’m just trusting myself to be present, to do it right.