I’ve found it much harder than I expected to write about the wedding. Several times, I’ve sat down at my computer, preparing to write a blog post, only to realize that I have nothing positive to say. Every time I think about writing about the wedding, all I want to do is list the things that went wrong, the things that didn’t quite live up to expectations, the disappointments. And who really wants to read about that?
I think I’m giving the wrong impression here. Of course, there were things that went wrong, starting with the weather. I’m not the kind of person that can ignore those kinds of details (more on that in a future blog post). But overall, the wedding was absolutely wonderful. I couldn’t really have asked for a better day. I had such a good time all day long. I felt so much love. Just thinking about the wedding, and the entire day, makes me happy.
So, why do I find that so hard to talk about? Even in person, when someone asks how the wedding was, I usually make a generally positive statement and then talk about the rain. Why can’t I talk about how great it was instead?
The truth is, the wedding was one of the most emotional days of my entire life. The moments that stand out in sharp focus live so close to my heart that it’s hard to talk about them casually. It’s hard to explain. I mean, how can I just tell someone I barely know how it felt to walk out to the ceremony and look at all of those faces, all of those people who had come to witness, to celebrate with us? How can I talk about how it felt to look into Steve’s eyes while he vowed to stand by me for the rest of our lives? How can I describe how it felt to sit down in the sunshine at the end of the day with some old friends I never get to see, and to look around, to see my relatives and friends playing cornhole, running around with their kids, doing shots, talking to each other?
I can barely talk about it here. It’s impossible to even type this without getting choked up.
One of the first wedding recap posts I ever read was by East Side Bride at A Practical Wedding. She wrote, “Part of me doesn’t want to share my wedding with the world. I think I’m afraid if I shake it too hard the glitter will fall off.” I never really understood that sentiment. I mean, once you had such a happy occasion, wouldn’t you want to share it with everyone? But now, I understand perfectly. For me, it’s not so much about keeping things private as it is about protecting the emotion. Talking about things in such concrete terms moves me from feeling to thinking, from emotions to words.
I do want to recap the wedding. I want to share those sharp focus moments. But I think I need to live inside the wedding for a little longer. I need to seal those feelings on my heart before I start talking about them.
So, I apologize if you were looking for details, and a description of the day. That will come later, probably after I’ve gotten the pictures back. I do plan to discuss some things I learned from the wedding in the meantime. And if I seem overly negative, well, now you know why.