Big Wedding, Small Budget

Obsession

on January 28, 2013

Confession: I like to talk. A lot. This should not be news to anyone who has ever met me. Also, I’m not exactly a private person. I don’t keep things to myself very much, and when something is on my mind, I have to talk about it. I’ve spent more hours than I can count dissecting thoughts, questions, life events, decisions, and really boring minutiae with my very accommodating friends (thanks, guys). And of course, when it comes to wedding planning, I’m no different.

I think I’ve done a good job through most of this engagement to avoid letting the wedding planning take over my life. I’ve avoided becoming a “bride,” for the most part. But that’s pretty much over now. The truth is, with such little time left, the wedding has taken over. There is a ton of stuff to do; unlike a couple of months ago, I have something I could be working on every single day. And I’m at peace with that. I knew things would get busy as the wedding got closer and it’s ok. I’m not super stressed and as I’ve mentioned before, I’m enjoying actually getting things done.

The problem is that this takeover has come with a certain obsessiveness that I’m pretty sure anyone who has gotten married before will recognize. Because I’m always doing stuff for the wedding, I’m now always thinking about the wedding. I’m either pondering a decision, mentally running through my to-do list, or feeling excited about something that I’ve finished. And with me being me, thinking about the wedding all the time means I’m talking about the wedding all the time.

Ugh. I cannot express to you how much I hate this. I’m sure it is even more boring for the people who know me, but seriously, I’m boring even me. I need to remember how to discuss other things, and how to have other things to discuss. I’ve started to challenge myself to not bring up the wedding when I’m having a conversation, but man, it is hard. And that’s just embarrassing.

This weekend, we had a coworker of Steve’s over for dinner. I had never met him before and he didn’t know that we’re getting married. And I managed to go the whole night without mentioning it. Thank god. I found it so liberating, actually. And it was really nice to remind myself that I am a real person, not just a bride.

So, as I go into these last two months, I’m going to work hard to strike a balance. I know I have to spend a lot of time and mental energy on the wedding and it is fun to discuss it with my friends, but I really need to remember that it is not the only thing going on in my life or in others’ lives. I had no problem finding things to talk about before I was planning a wedding. I should have no problems now.

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