Big Wedding, Small Budget

This is it!

I’m sitting here writing this blog post from the bed in my hotel room. It’s the day before my wedding. Who can believe this day has actually come? Unsurprisingly, this post will probably be a bunch of disjointed thoughts, reflecting my brain right now, but here’s where I am in general:

We’ve had a hell of a time with the weather this weekend. The forecast started saying rain for Sunday a few days ago, and since then, it’s basically all we’ve talked or thought about. I mean, it’s an outdoor wedding where my main rain plan was for it not to rain. The final decision wasn’t made until this morning. And I’m proud to say I’ve found a little Wedding Zen in the process. Now that we’ve decided what to do, I’ve let it go, even though I don’t know exactly how it will work. I let Steve take care of it and trusted him to make the final decision (which we all know is hard for me). This victory was hard-fought, and only happened after a lot of tears, a lot of shaking my fists at the sky, and more than a lot of saying, “This isn’t fair!” But the wedding will happen, rain or shine, so I’m moving on.

My to-do list is almost done! There are literally three things on it. That’s it. So that’s a really good, but sort of strange feeling. I’m not worrying too much about what I have left to do. I’m feeling a bit more present, although not as much as I would like. Hopefully, once I finish the last big task this morning and the open house starts, I’ll be there, just enjoying everyone’s company.

Weddings are crazy, y’all. It was impossible to predict the combination of emotions I would be feeling as the day approached, and I’m sure it’s even harder to predict the way I’ll feel once it all really gets started. I’m just going to ride the wave and enjoy it. Everything else will get figured out somehow (but think dry thoughts for us)!

So, what about this blog? What happens next?

Well, I have to say, keeping up this blog has been a really enjoyable experience. I’ve had so much fun writing it. I forgot how much I got out of writing, since I haven’t really done much since I was in school. It’s also been a really good outlet for me to talk incessantly about wedding stuff. And it’s been a great way to connect with others—hearing about people being excited about something I wrote in the blog has made me so happy!

So, the blog will not go away right after the wedding. I’m sure I’ll post some recaps once I get the pictures back. I also have loads to say about what I’ve learned through this whole process, which shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone. But once that’s done, I have no intention of keeping up a wedding blog. I’m sure I’ll be wedding-ed out very, very soon.

I will keep writing, though, just somewhere else. I’ll let you know when it happens, and feel free to move over there if you’re interested. For now, let’s get this party started!


Letting it all go.

I am determined to enjoy my wedding day. The whole day, not just the five hours that comprise the actual event. Now, that might sound like a strange thing to say, but I’ve realized that to relax and have fun I’ll need to not be in charge. And for me, that does not come naturally.

As I’ve mentioned before, I love planning, organizing, and running things. I enjoy being in charge and knowing everything that’s going on. I like making decisions and executing them. And after all of the planning I’ve done, the natural thing to do would be to remain focused on getting everything right the day of the wedding.

But I’m not going to do that. I’m going to hand the reins over to our day of coordinator (a trusted friend) and leave the last-second decisions to her. If something goes wrong or changes, I’m going to work really hard not to notice and not to care. After all, at that point, what could I really do about it?

All of this is easier said than done. And it really hit home for me when I was thinking about my wedding jewelry and I realized that I probably wouldn’t wear my watch. This has been causing me a vigorous inner struggle; I mean, I always wear my watch, mostly because I always like to be on schedule. But I don’t want to worry about the schedule at the wedding (instead, I will probably just be asking what time it is constantly). I want to experience my wedding as a participant and let others worry about the time.

So, I’m going to do it. I’m going to hand over the details and leave the watch at home. I’m going to ignore what is happening behind the scenes while I eat, drink, visit, and dance. I’m going to enjoy myself and for once, I’m going to let someone else be in charge.

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Last Sunday night I stopped for a minute and thought, “Wow. A month from now the wedding will be over.” It took my breath away for a second. All this work, all this planning, all this time, and in a month, we will be back to real life.

My first reaction was, “What will I do with myself?” This wedding has taken up pretty much all of my time, especially for the past few (and the next couple of) weeks. Then I remembered my old life, where I put my clothes away, spent time at the dog park, and played Skyrim for hours. Oh yeah—I like real life! Whew.

Even with that realization, though, I felt sad. It really hit me how fleeting the wedding day is. No matter how much preparation you do, the whole thing still just lasts one day. One day to celebrate with loved one gathered from far and wide. One day to focus completely on your relationship. One day to throw an amazing party and dance up a storm. And then it’s all over.

I’ve heard many, many people tell me that your wedding day goes by in a blur. I think the prevailing wisdom is that you won’t really remember the day in detail. And truthfully, I’m ok with that. What I’m not ok with is forgetting how the day feels. I’m absolutely determined to remember that. I’m planning to force myself to stop for a moment, several times throughout the wedding to take a breath, look around, center myself, and remember exactly how I’m feeling, the good and bad. Because the truth is that this one fleeting day has taken a lot of work, and I want to make sure that the day, or at least the memory of it, lasts as long as I can make it.

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